Tiger Woods to make prepared statement on Friday

Nearly three months after crashing his Cadillac Escalade outside of his home in Windermere, Florida, Tiger Woods has resurfaced. The world’s number one golfer will address select members of the media on Friday to deliver a prepared statement regarding his highly publicized extramarital affairs.

Woods has taken immediate criticism for the decision because he will be speaking in front of a hand-picked group of reporters and will not be taking any questions.

“Of course he’s not going to take any questions,” said celebrity image consultant Michael Levine on the Early Show, responding to the widespread abhorrence regarding Wood’s decision. “Nor should he. If I represented him, I wouldn’t allow him to take questions either. The potentiality for salacious questions is just too great.”

Meanwhile, General Motors vice chairman Bob Lutz recently recalled the automaker’s good fortune in severing all ties with their former spokesman before the scandal erupted, according to USA Today.

“We weren’t too lucky with Tiger Woods for Buick,” said Lutz, adding that GM’s relationship with Woods did little to help sell Buick brand vehicles.

It is still unclear when Woods will return to professional golf.