Tiger apologizes for extra-marital affairs

On Friday, nearly three months after crashing his Cadillac Escalade outside of his home in Windermere, Florida, golfing superstar Tiger Woods made his first public appearance, apologizing for his long history of extra-marital affairs.

In front of approximately 40 friends and select members of the media, Woods read a 14-minute prepared statement. He apologized to his fans, children who looked up to him as a role model and his wife Elin, who did not attend the press conference.

“I was unfaithful. I had affairs. I cheated,” Woods said. “What I did was not acceptable.”

The world’s number one golfer took no questions from the media and indicated that he would not respond to future inquiries about the specifics of his past relationships.

After reading his statement, which was nationally syndicated on every major network, Woods headed back to Mississippi where he will reenter a sexual rehabilitation clinic.

As for golf, Woods suggested that he could return to the course by the end of the year, but made no promises.

“When I do return, I need to make my behavior more respectful of the game,” he concluded.